Actually, there is a wide range of choices available to husbands and wives as they attempt to balance their personal needs and the needs of their spouses. “Taking care of my needs without consideration of others” is just one end of the scale; “taking care of others’ needs without considering my own” is at the other. As a marriage counselor, I see severe spiritual and social problems at both ends of the scale.

Who enjoys being around a person who is concerned only about himself, who must always be right, must do what only he wants to do all the time, and never takes anyone else into consideration? Such a person talks to you but does not listen, insists on “serving” you whether you want it or not, has lots of advice but is not willing to give needed help.

At the other extreme are people so concerned about being unselfish that they exhaust themselves trying to please everyone. They continually set aside their needs and wants in the interest of family, church callings, neighbors, and friends. But there comes a time when even the strongest person must draw strength from others.

An important question in service to others is: What does the other person need? Rather than What do I want to give him?