Putin presents his reform program to the Duma (Russian Parliament): "This proposal makes people rich and happy", he says. "The list of people can be found underneath".

Looking at an urn: "You turned him into a tea pot?"

You know the four seasons?

I'm experiencing them now, living down there in the park.

A lecturer visits the mental hospital and gives a lecture about how great communism is. Everybody claps loudly except for one person who keeps quiet. The lecturer asks: "why aren't you clapping?" and the person replies "I'm not a psycho, I work here."

A Soviet newspaper reports: "Last night the N. Nuclear Powerstation fulfilled the Five Year Plan of heat energy generation in 4 microseconds."

Doc, why is it that when I speak to God it's a prayer, and when God speaks to me it's schizophrenia?