"In selecting a companion for life and for eternity," said President Spencer W. Kimball, "certainly the most careful planning and thinking and praying and fasting should be done to be sure that, of all the decisions, this one must not be wrong. In true marriage there must be a union of minds as well as of hearts. Emotions must not wholly determine decisions, but the mind and the heart, strengthened by fasting and prayer and serious consideration, will give one a maximum chance of marital happiness"

It should be obvious to you that the Lord is describing a love here that deals with behavior on all 14 points. And behavior isn't something you fall into or out of. Behavior is very definitely something you control and decide. Agency is obviously involved here.

We also know that any commandment by God involves agency. We can obey or disobey, but there is always a choice. When the Lord uses the command form of the verb love in "Thou shalt love thy wife with all they heart, and shall cleave unto her and none else" (D&C 42:22), He is not leaving this love in Cupid's hands. His commandment is a directive, not to the heart, but with the heart, and to the mind with an expectation of thought, reasoning, decision making and obedience--you can't fall out of love if it's a commandment to stay in love.

True love suffereth long. Have you ever seen this word combination on those little hearts? The most important things don't make it to the world's list. "Suffereth long" means patient instead of impatient and tolerant of imperfections instead of intolerant. Helpful instead of critical of weaknesses. It does not criticize, is not cranky, and does not complain. And is kind, is happy, thoughtful, helpful, interested in others, is a good Samaritan, merciful, gives comfort. It is not mean or miserly; is not sarcastic or cruel or inconsiderate; is not indifferent, uninterested, unresponsive or unconcerned. By the way, can you "fall out of kindness?" That's a question worth pondering. In fact, can you fall out of any of the attributes the Lord gives us in his definition of love? It Envieth not--is content, grateful for blessings by seeing the glass half full and not half empty, is generous, lives frugally; is not covetous, resentful, jealous, or greedy; avoids unnecessary debt; is a full tithe payer. Is not selfish or vain and lives within income.

Is not puffed up--is humble and teachable. Does not seek attention. Praises others. Does not murmur, and never belittles. Does not treat spouse with a "holier" or "smarter-than-thou" attitude. Doth not behave itself unseemly--is courteous, well mannered, reverent, respectful, and mindful; is clean, neat and considerate of other's property and feelings. Is not crude or indecent or improper. Seeketh not her own--is tender hearted, caring, sharing, sensitive, compassionate, generous, and united; sacrifices by putting desires of spouse first; considers money ours and not mine; thinks we not I; listens; Seeks to please God and others; is not demanding, controlling, or manipulative; does not blame; says I'm sorry; does not withhold affection. Is not easily provoked--is forgiving, patient, calm, gentle, respectful; is a peacemaker and does not get angry; is not irritable or vengeful; is not abusive in word or deed; does not swear or quarrel. Thinketh no evil--is not judgmental, but respectful and trusting, pure and obedient; does not think evil of others by gossiping or finding fault; is modest in thought, dress and speech; is not deceitful, cruel or dishonest; avoids inappropriate music, pornography, and dirty jokes. Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth--has a temple recommend and wants an eternal marriage; stays close to the Spirit through regular scripture study and prayer; is responsible; is not light-minded. Beareth all things--is bold and patient with affliction and trials (this does not mean that abuse victims should silently bear cruelty, or follow a spouse disobedient to God); is grateful; does not insult others; is not defensive, irritable, touchy or grouchy; is not weary in well doing; is easily entreated or approachable and willing to listen empathetically and communicate without any contempt. Believeth all things--sees the eternal potential of spouse like Johnny Lingo saw in Mohana for those of you who remember that story; makes the least of the worst and the most of the best; shows by actions that there is a firm belief in eternal families; holds fast to the iron rod. Has goals, dreams, a vision and plans for a happy successful life together. Is cheerful. Hopeth all things--is an optimist and looks for the best; praises and builds up; expresses and shows affection. Spouse is best friend. Continues courting throughout marriage. Is not a pessimist, nagger, or faultfinder. Endureth all things--doesn't complain or murmur; is steadfast; accepts responsibility and is industrious, for the man a provider; shows initiative. Charity never faileth.

Pure love seeketh not her own. Look at the cartoon of this couple in a bookstore. There is a powerful story told in this scene. You ought to memorize it. What do you see here? The "spouse improvement" section is sold out, but the self-improvement section has scarcely sold a book. What does that tell you about human nature? Does it remind you of any of the Savior's teachings dealing with "motes" and "beams" in eyes? You've heard of the cartoon "The Far Side," well, this cartoon could be labeled "The Selfish Side." Your success in marriage will largely depend on your ability to reverse this cartoon and focus on improving yourself, rather than trying to reshape your spouse. It will depend more on being the right one--even more than finding the right one. "Don't just pray to marry the one you love. Instead, pray to love the one you marry."

A very natural and wonderful consequence of becoming a person capable of great love is described in this passage: “For intelligence cleaveth unto intelligence; wisdom receiveth wisdom; truth embraceth truth; virtue loveth virtue; light cleaveth unto light” (D&C 88:40).

If we pursue the goal of an eternal marriage with purity and with both our hearts and our minds, I believe in most cases we will eventually be rewarded with a companion who is at least our spiritual equal and who will cleave unto intelligence and light as we do, who will receive wisdom as we receive it, who will embrace truth as we embrace it, and who will love virtue as we love it. To spend the eternities with a companion who shares the most important fundamental values with us and who will discuss them, live them, and join in teaching them to children is among the most soul-satisfying experiences of true romantic love. To know that there will be someone who walks a parallel path of goodness and growth with us and yearns for the same eternal values and happiness is of great comfort.