If our definition or concept of ourself comes from what others think of us, we will find ourselves gearing our lives to their wants and their expectations; and the more we live in terms of what others expect of us, the more insecure we become. Expectations change. Opinion is fickle. One person or one group may expect certain things while another individual or group expects other things. Which should you please? The teen-age son may desire to please both his parents and the peer group to which he seeks belonging, but they demand different things; they hold different standards. If he is true to one, he us untrue to the other; but if he learns to pretend or to put on appearances, he might be able to get by, so he thinks. However, in the long run he discovers that by trying to become "all things to all people," he eventually is discovered for what he is, and he loses the respect of others as well as of himself. The only sure anchor to personal security is in God and in God's definition of man.

Inherent within the soul of a man is a longing to return to its Creator, the Father of us all, and also the propensity to believe and obey the laws that blessed reward is predicated upon. Disobedience and rebellion create a deep split within man's nature, between his body, his mind, and his spirit. This might be termed self alienation and is the root or fundamental cause of relationship breakdowns and most human problems. What many call insecurity is alienation or separation from God, our Father, caused by transgression.

When we borrow our strength from the label on our shirt, sweater, shoes or dress; from our association with a club, an "in" group; from our position of influence, power, and prestige; from our car, beautiful house, or other status symbols and trappings; or from our good looks, stylish clothing, fashionable appearance, clever tongue, or degrees and credentials, we do so in order to compensate from being impoverished and hollow inside. But by doing so, we reinforce our dependency on these symbols, on living by appearances, on extrinsic values, and we build weakness within.

I believe in a system of some kind for self-education. It doesn't have to be formal classes or courses. It may be an informal discussion group or a well-conceived reading program. But without some system or external discipline, most adults tend to give up after a good start on something and fall back into old ways.

Is the gaining of knowledge the main purpose of continued education? I don't believe so. The knowledge explosion is so vast and so rapid, no one, giving all his time, could keep up. If it's not knowledge, what then is it? To keep intellectually alive, to renew ourselves, to learn how to learn, how to adapt, how to change, what not to change.

We must develop a felling and competence within that we can "make a go of it" in any situation, regardless of what happens. One main source of this confidence is continuing education. 

Time must be taken for creative planning and for creative communication with key people. Many people become bogged down in their work with mechanical details, and a lot of trivia, and they almost become automations. Few people take the time to think very carefully about their assignments, to analyze the causes of the problems they deal with, to develop long-range plans of action to deal with them. This kind of reflection and planning takes initiative and imagination - in short, thinking, which is hard and an expression of individuality. But the dividends are rich in terms of building a sense of self-worth and self-power.

To improve your relationships, don't look to others to change and don't look to easy, step-by-step shortcut, sunshine formulas that do not strike at the roots. Look to yourself. Be honest with yourself first - the roots of your problems are spiritual. So also, therefore, are the root solutions. The key lies in your own heart. "Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life." (Proverbs 4:23)

You are called to be a light, not a judge. Build your own character and relationships on the light of this world. Build your home and family around him.

Why is the atonement so important to your marriage? No relationship is so demanding as marriage. To properly fulfill the divine purpose of marriage, that of bringing spirits into the world and raising them in the nurture of the Lord, we require the upmost in self-discipline, self-sacrifice, courage, love, humility, and integrity (self-unity). Again, Christ taught, "I am the way." He was the perfect example of these character traits and instructs us to follow in his footsteps. In addition, the very nature of the process of receiving the divine gift of the atonement develops these character traits.

It is significant that there is no permanent marriage outside the gospel of Jesus Christ. Why is an eternal marriage found only in the highest degree of the celestial kingdom? I believe it is because a truly successful marriage, which can sustain any storm, must be a three-way divine partnership. The Savior and his atonement are the foundation of this harmonious partnership, this beautiful marriage. He is the Savior of the family relationship as well as the individual soul.

So it is with our relations with others. Again, he is "the way." We forgive because he forgave. We love him because he first loved us.

Relationship problems begin with the individual.

When Adam and his posterity were cut off from the presence of God for transgression, man's insecurity began. Whenever you or I sin against the light we've been given, we become estranged from God and his spirit. Further, we become split within and lose our wholeness and unity, our integrity. We feel insecure. 

We must all hold two pulses simultaneously - God's and man's. We can never serve man's deepest needs without God. Neither do we serve God and his purposes without serving his children in his way. Am I really feeling the pulse of the Lord - praying to him; receiving his Spirit, understanding his ways and designs - if I am unloving, critical and judging of his children?

This truth became so clear in the mission field. Those missionaries who claimed to be so close to the Lord but were not to their companions and contacts served neither the Lord nor his children. They began to use the gospel, like the praying Pharisee, as a tool for judgement and rejection and self justification. Some of their opinions were right, but their spirits were wrong. Their unloving use of the religion of love distorted their perspectives, destroyed their effectiveness, and increasingly isolated them.

...Unless we hold the pulse of both heaven and earth, of God and man, learning from both, appreciating and loving both (God first), we hold neither. There is no power, no influence, no life in truth without love. There is no vision, no lifting power, no conviction, no light in life without truth.

Our greatest role in relationships is to be a light, not a judge.

Through study of the scriptures and the teachings of our modern prophets, it appears that our first and most basic stewardship is our body. To acquire a body was one of the main purposes of our coming to earth, and we are then to use this body as a divine instrument to perfect and train the spirit until the spirit has the full control and mastery of it under the direction of the Holy Spirit. If I do not honor the stewardship over my own flesh, how could I possibly honor my stewardship as a husband or wife, of father or mother?